Here are all the funny things I could find on the net,
submit jokes at [email protected]
DIFFERENT TYPES OF SHIT PAGE
50 THINGS TO DO IN A PUBLIC WASHROOM
THE WORD"Fuck" AND ITS SIGNIFICANCE
SOME DEEP THOUGHTS
101 WAYS TO KILL BARNEY

Here are some sweet pickup lines that I use all the time:

* Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, so....let's go screw. 
* Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? 
 * Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants. 
* Excuse me, do you have your phone number? 
I've seem to have misplaced mine. 
* I'm new in town. Could I have directions to your house? 
* I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? 
I think he went into this cheap motel room. 
Joke Section 1
(pretty bad, but worth taking a look at)
-Q: Have you heard of the Lorena Bobbit computer virus?
 A: It turns your hard drive into a 3 inch floppy.

 -What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman ?  Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man ?  $3.99 a minute.

-Three men arrive in heaven. St. Peter says, 'Okay, guys,
I know from looking in my book that each of you have cheated
on your wives. The book did not say how or who with, and I
need to know all your sins so you can get in. So, would you
please tell me the truth, and, in exchange for your
humiliation, I will give you each a form of transportation.'

The first guy says to Pete, 'I kissed my secretary a few
times.' So Peter gives him a Honda.

The second guy says to him, 'I had sex with a HOT whore.'
So Peter gives him a motorcycle.

The third guy says, 'I had a 3-way every week.' So
Peter gives him a bicycle.

So, inside the gates of heaven, guys 2 and 3 are enjoying
 their gifts when they encounter guy #1 crying.

 'Why are you crying? You got a car!' they exclaim
'Yeah,' says guy #1, 'but I just saw my wife pass by on a skateboard!'

-Q: What do you get when an epileptic farmer falls in his lettuce patch?
A: Seizure salad.
Joke Section 2
-How do blonde braincells die?     Alone.  (not funny, just sad...)

-How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?  Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!  (read above note)

                        -One day a blonde goes up to a soda machine. She puts in some money and a soda comes out.
                        She gets really excited and started to put more money into the machine.
                        The more and more she did it, the more the sodas came out.
                        Someone walked up to her and asked her if they could get a soda.
                        The blonde said, "Get out of my face, I'm winning!

                        -A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the
                        6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the BrooklynBridge.
                        The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied,
                        "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead
                        the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend".
                        The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".
                        So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news,
                        so I can't take your money". The blonde replied "well, so did I,
                        but I never thought he'd jump again!"

                        -Why did the blonde cross the road?  Never mind that. 
                         What was she doing out of the kitchen? 
Joke Section 3
                      -A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla sitting on a barstool. 

                        -The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was doing in the bar so the bartender 
                        showed him. He took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the head with it. 
                        The animal instantly dropped down and gave the bartender a blow job. 
                        The Bartender then asked the man if he would like to try it. 
                        The man said "Sure, but please don't hit me quite so hard". 

                        -Two men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking 
                        his dick. One man said, "I sure wish I could do that." 
                        The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going to have to pet him first." 

                        -One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the 
                        shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, 
                        I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." 
                        The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, 
                        he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you 
                        have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"